1. “Stick to your (meal) ticket”: It opens doors (unless you’re Sister Baker who routinely swipes 10 times before getting in) and rains down manna from heaven.
2. Avoid the cafeteria on Wednesday evenings around four:
You will be greeted by a sea of orange dots and about 10 million 19 year olds.
3. B.Y.O.S. Bring Your Own Spoon:
Though the BYU Creamery ice cream they provide in the vending machine is heavenly, THEY DO NOT PROVIDE SPOONS.
If you forget.
You’ll just end up drinking it.
4. The ghost choir in the girl’s bathroom is NOT Moaning Myrtle:
It’s nothing other worldly. It’s actually fairly normal. Just roll with it.
Sometimes its a real treat. And you can make a request.
Sometimes you decide that you could really go another day without showering.
5. Sometimes Elders will ask to street contact you:
This means they will ask for your number.
They probably won’t call.
6. If you make it through day 3 the worst is over:
Day 1: you arrive
Day 2: you teach your first discussion-yes, in your mission language. And yes even though you’ve only been learning that language for 12 hours- 8 of which have been spent asleep.
Day 3: the longest day of your life
Day 4: Deliverance Day: this includes BYU Creamery ice cream, choir, devotional, and (church) movies!
7. The Elders can be your best friends or your WORST enemies:
They say really funny stuff like:
“Dude, my little brother looks like a Keebler elf.”
and “Its relief society–where I can relieve myself.”
All the time.
So much so that you forget that you actually, probably, really should be studying for your lesson–in a foreign language–that you are giving in 1 hour.
8. Staying up late will kill you: < this is not a joke>
Good luck making it through TALL tomorrow.
9. Humor can compensate for all sorts of awkwardness:
Like when your investigator (who is also your teacher) shows up early for your lesson and asks what you’re doing in their house . . .
10. The Elders are often impressed by:
comic book references and beat boxing
11. Join Choir
Even if you can’t sing. Or would really rather not sing. Brother Eggett is hilarious. And has some super profound insights that he likes to throw in between constructive insults.
12. Invest time in investigating the left-behind box:
You will save all sorts of money on laundry soap, dryer sheets, soap, and snacks.
13. Bring headphones:
2M Fitness gym has a sweet cardio theater where you can watch an excellent selection of Mormon Messages, conference talks, and church produced short films.