I probably shouldn’t write this post.
It will likely convince the entire world that I am insane.
But after today, I’m not so sure that’s not true.
Anyway, it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything. A long, long time. So I wanted to make sure it was something really, really good. Something I felt really strongly about.
And today I experienced something really wonderful-and terrible . So I decided to write about it.
It was 1:15. And I was starving.
So I ran across the street, penguin style in my pencil skirt. I fully intended to hit up the $4 Chinese buffet. But as I scurried down the hallway, a sign caught my eye: “Let’s Do Greek“.
And then I had to.
I had to have a gyro. And I had to have one now.
So I went.
Let’s Do Greek is a smallish hole-in-the-wall type family establishment in downtown Oklahoma City. I have never tasted anything so delicious. Best fries in the world. But the fries haven’t got anything on the gyro. Melt-in-your-mouth meat on a soft pita bed.
I didn’t even mind the onions–Which I usually mind. Because onions are slimy and gross. And make you cry–but this time I didn’t mind. Until about thirty seconds after I left the restaurant.
Now I remember why I hate onions.
I stuffed a piece of 5 gum in my mouth (Usually I only do a half piece, because that does the trick, but this time I decided to go for a whole one) and was able to muscle through the next hour. After that I tried a glass of lemonade. And the half eaten cherry sucker in my bag. But nothing worked.
And that’s when things got crazy.
I’d taken a restroom break. And I’d gone to wash my hands.
And that’s when I got desperate.
I was in an onion-induced coma and I lost my mind. I thought to myself, anything would be better than onions. And then I did as my mother advised me anytime I told a lie.
I washed out my mouth with soap.
And it didn’t even work. Even now as I write this post I can taste the sickly combination of onions and soap on my tongue.
I hate onions.