I’m Not Being Racist Or Anything . . .

But I HATE white bread.

I once heard white bread described as nothing more than starch and air.  And I wholeheartedly agree. Because there is almost nothing more vile than biting into what appears to be a solid peanut butter and jelly sandwich only to realize that its consistency is in reality a lot closer to that of wet plaster.

Cause it just stays there . . . on the roof of your mouth.

Even worse is the fact that there is no normal movement of the mouth, no customary tongue motion, for extracting bread paste from your mouth.  I mean you have to call the reinforcements and send in a search and rescue team to physically remove the sickly white bread goo cemented to the roof of your mouth.  And even though we all know this.  We all continue in our fruitless attempts.  

And maybe its because we’re hoping for one of those fresh-out-of-the-oven-my-mom-made-this-because-she-loves-me feelings.  Because there might not be anything more wonderful than that.  But as far as I’m concerned, nothing so incredible could ever come in a plastic bag that maintains that its contents are “Wonder”ful.

The real “Wonder” is that they manage to sell that stuff.


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